Sexy Chat 

Engagements Should Never be a Surprise

Written by: Shelly-Ann ‘Dr Sexy-Ann’ Weeks

There is a video circulating around social media with a young man on his knee proposing to his girlfriend. She not only rejected him, she basically asked him if he’s out of his mind since “di two a dem still a tek bus”. Of course the responses about this video ranges from hilarity to real genuine concern. Most of them insulting towards the girlfriend because to some she looked like a gold digger who want a “car man” and some even said he was better off without her because she wants someone she can use.

Personally I saw it differently. It is clear that they never discussed getting married and that as a couple, they were not on the same page in the relationship – he was ready to get married and she wasn’t. I know the idea of a surprise proposal sounds very romantic and if one looks at the movies and even love songs, it seems that’s the way to go but I beg to differ. First of all, I believe that couples should discuss certain things before they get engaged. Deciding to spend the rest of your life with someone is something you should approach with eyes open and with as much relevant information as possible. There are specific details that you must address. For example:

Where will you live as a couple?
Some couples don’t live together and the decision about where to live is something that you should discuss so that you are both happy with your home – wherever it ends up. How much space do you require? Can the home accommodate your requirements? Can you afford the type of home that you want? These are all important things that you should explore.

What’s your financial status?
When a couple gets married they immediately are affected by each other’s financial status. So if your new spouse has a $5 million debt from 10 years before you met, you will now automatically inherit 50% of that debt. Don’t you want to know? I recommend that you sit with a financial professional and discuss your status and options.

How important is religion to you?
Religious people expect their spouses to participate in their religious activities, holidays and other required events. Are you prepared to do that? Do you and your partner share religious views? It will be difficult to be in a marriage with your religious partner if you are not on the same page. If you practice separate religions, how will you decide what religion to raise your children?

Do you want children? How many?

Unfortunately many couples don’t have any discussions about children because it is assumed that everyone wants to have them. This is not the case and as a couple you should be very clear about what you want to each other before you think about getting married. This is a deal breaker for many individuals as compromise on this issue leaves one partner not having his/her needs met.

How involved will your family be in your life?

Extended family can make a marriage feel more supported and it can also leave the couple divided. The outcome is dependent on the health of these relationships and the amount of access and input they have in the marriage.In-laws have been the source of conflict for many relationships so as a couple, you need to decide how much involved your family is in your relationship.

If as a couple, you are having this conversation, then the engagement will never be a surprise because the conversation is the first step to planning a life together. So you will not be left on your knee while your partner runs away when you finally propose. Deciding to be with each other for life takes planning and both of your participation, so do it together. Have fun and stay sexy.

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