Written by Shelly-Ann “Dr Sexy-Ann” Weeks
When it comes to dating, there are many new experiences as a couple gets to know each other. From the first phone call to the first kiss, all efforts are focused on finding out as much about each other as possible so they can decide if and how long they continue to share time and space. During this period of discovery, as a couple embarks on the tedious task of starting a new relationship, there are several important conversations that they must have with each other. Specifically before a couple decides to share physical intimacy, there are certain questions that must be asked:
What’s your sexuality?
This is a question that some persons find offensive but is a necessary because the answer will make it clear where you stand as a couple. Also, people typically assume that everyone is heterosexual instead of talk about it. Sexuality is complex, it includes more than what is considered acceptable by society’s standards and many people do not identify as heterosexual even though they are in heterosexual relationships. Furthermore asking a prospective partner his/her sexuality helps to indicate if you’re compatible as couple.
What’s your STD/HIV Status?
Many new couples take it or grated that they can use condoms so it’s as if knowing their partner’s status is not an issue. Actually it is. The condom only protects the penis during sexual intercourse, oral sex and other sexual contact can spread disease. Also remember that condoms are not 100% effective, so knowing each other’s STD/HIV status is just practical.
What are you into?
So many couples don’t take the time to talk to each other about their sexual needs and preferences. With unlimited access to pornography on the internet, an infinite supply of erotic movies and novel and other many sexually explicit materials available, a person can get some very clear ideas about thing they might be into. This is usually the part of the relationship where many assumptions are made – this approach is very impractical since it’s so much easier to just ask. This can also be a fun conversation because you may discover that as a couple you have a lot in common sexually that you can explore together.
What are your expectations?
Sex means different things to different people – for some it’s a physical expression of their feelings while for others it’s a way to get their rocks off – so it’s important that all parties are on the same page. Take the time to state how you feel and ask your prospective partner about their plans, if any after the sex is over. Is it a onetime thing, or is it the beginning of something more permanent? Too many couples get off to a confusing start because both parties have different expectations.
Are you having a sexual relationship with anyone else?
It is naive to assume that just because someone is single and is now showing an interest in you, that they are not having sex with anyone else. Having multiple sexual partners also increases the chance of contracting an STD. Knowing how many other sexual partners there are is vital because it will affect how you decide to move forward as a couple and it can also be a deal breaker for some persons.
Dating is already daunting on its own and adding sexual contact can make it even more so. Don’t take things for granted and certainly don’t make assumptions especially when it comes to sex. The only way to really know how your prospective partner feels is to ask and be clear with your questions. Be honest with your feelings and ask for what you want – that’s the only way to ensure that your needs are met.